It would be truly great if you ate your five a day and did your two hours and thirty minutes of moderate aerobic physical activity a week. But you can also tackle your health issues from another direction: by investing more in your mind, in your friendships, and in your community. The effects might be even more pronounced than those of the best wellness-junkie lifestyle. What’s more, easing up on nutrition and fitness obsession in favor of sociality and mindfulness could not only mean a life that is healthier, but also one that is more gratifying. A life worth living—something that no amount of kale or goji berries can give you.
–Marta Zaraska Growing Young: How Friendship, Optimism, and Kindness Can Help You Live to 100
On Saturday mornings my husband and I would drive to the Santa Fe trail for a trail run then treat ourselves to a donut at the local donut shop. On one occasion, I saw a lady there who looked like my 6th grade math teacher, Vickie Linder, who was there with two other gentlemen. I saw her a few more times and finally decided to ask her if she taught math at the middle school I went to and she did. I told her I was a student and she gave me a big hug and introduced me to her husband, Tom and neighbor, Bob. She invited us to eat donuts with them the following weekend and we did. Tom and Vickie started going to the donut shop regularly with Bob when he lost his wife to help get him out of the house and enjoy some companionship. We enjoyed our time with them so much that it turned into our Saturday routine to meet at the donut shop.
The donut shop meet-ups lasted five years. We called ourselves the Donut Posse and the friendship we developed was meaningful to all of us. We would sit at the donut shop for hours telling stories, jokes, and catching up with each other’s lives and travels. We had a lot of laughs at the donut shop. When the pandemic hit, my husband and I would deliver donuts to their house then go home to video chat with them. We did not want to miss our time together. When my husband and I traveled we still made time to video chat with them on the weekends.
In May, Bob unexpectedly passed away just shy of his 90th birthday. Vickie called us to tell us the news when we were out of town and we were deeply saddened. In his memory, we got donuts that morning and did a toast to Bob.
We were invited to a small memorial service Bob’s family held at his house. His kids, grandkids, and great-grandkids were there and we were welcomed as members of the Donut Posse. His family expressed to us many times how grateful they were that Bob had the Donut Posse after his wife’s death and how much he looked forward to Saturday mornings. We also felt grateful to know Bob and have the Donut Posse. Vickie told me that Bob would ask her “why do these kids want to hang out with us old people?” They were delightful to be with and we both learned from each other and had different life experiences and stories to share which made the friendship rich. I’m so grateful we went into the friendship with the open mind that we can be friends despite being decades apart in ages. The experience has made me aware of the value of being open to making friends from a different generation.
Bob’s memorial was a reminder that the relationships we develop and the time spent with the people we love are what matters the most when our time on earth is done.
I believe the health and well-being benefits we got from our friendship and the laughs we shared far outweighed any ill effects of eating a donut.
Tom and Vickie having fun with the pandemic donut delivery
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